In relationships, know how to set your biggest expectations and make sure they are met one by one. You have heard over and over again that whosoever you choose as a mate, partner, boyfriend or other, must comply with your list of expectations. Otherwise you may not be compatible. But, I say to you, your list of expectations must be first of all and at times all in all, what you expect to contribute instead of what you expect others to contribute in you. So, in relationships, expectations are OK only if they start with yourself first. expect more of yourself than you expect from your partner. This is a process that frees you from vain expectations that will never happen, insecurity we expect to fill by another person's achievements, and, needless disappointments when expectations never happen. To begin this process, here is the list of seven tools to exercise if you will have great relationships with your partner and others.
1) Expect to give even when no one gives anything back to you.
Give anyway. It is so easy find reciprocity in giving specially around the Holiday time. You give me a gift and I will give you one. We call it gift exchange and there is nothing wrong with that. It is a nice gesture to show a reciprocal interest in giving.
However, what if you gave to someone that has nothing to give back to you? What if you gave to someone that can only give you very little?
Give with the best expectation in mind and that is to expect nothing in return and you will become a cheerful giver. You will find freedom in your giving and you will develop the habit of giving which is the true recipe for happiness. Being freed from the expectations of getting something in return will make you a noble person and your influence will be freely given to others without any encumbrance. So give of yourself. Do not wait for something big to give that big may never come. Many a women have found great husbands while they were practicing random acts of giving. Many a women have been attracted to men who offer their help without any second thought in the recesses of their mind. They were giving with a free heart and they met their sweetheart in the process. This kind of giving sets the stage for lasting relationship and discourages competition in relationship. Dear friends, give even when it hurts to give and you will cultivate the abundance mentality. You will be called a generous person and you will wind up giving even to your bitterest enemies. Give as if there were no tomorrows for your very existence and your destiny are wrapped in giving. After all, did not God give all h had to you? Did he keep back anything precious to Him that He did not release. Give with all your heart and with your whole heart. I observed a man returning a gift to a friend once because the person bought something and did not like it and decoded to give it away to my father. I clearly remembered his reply, Now, I am remembered for what does not work out not for the value of the item.
2) Expect to hear well before you are heard and despite the fact that you may never get heard at all.
How much more pleasant your communication could be if you would be patient enough to listen without breathing a word even a murmur. Sometimes, listening well is and of itself, a response and, the most eloquent of them all. If we do not get heard, we think we fail to give the other person a piece of our mind. This is when we should be stingy. The less of our mind we give, the more we keep. If we do not get heard at times, we think we are not a contributor in the action plan. What a misunderstanding! At times, that is exactly what is needed, that we say nothing and that is the best contribution. Practice listening well. Perhaps, keep a bottle of water handy while someone is talking, you are drinking. That way, you are not tempted to answer frivolously and harshly. You conserve the time to think about your responses. Another techniques I have learned to practice is to ask the person to repeat what was said. This gives me the time to grasp what I heard entirely and perhaps, this will allow the other person to think again about what was said and to either rephrase it or rescind it all together. Practice great listening techniques and your conversations will be less combative and more accepting.
3) Expect to help voluntarily before you receive any help from others and do not expect it.
I know I am going to get lots of responses because of that one. I know it is hard to help somebody if that person has never helped anyone. I know it is hard to step out and assist someone that did you harm before. I know, how hard it is to give a helping hand to someone that does not seem to care. However, this is exactly what changes the heart of individuals in the most difficult moments in life. Helping someone demands a total release of self and a total focus on the needs of the other person. Helping caries its own fringe benefits for, it is in helping a gentleman many years ago that I discovered the process of making millions of dollars in my business. Sometimes, helping someone else becomes the solution to your own problem, the healing to your own sickness, the answer to a long awaited question. Go out of your way today and help somebody and discover the fringe benefits of helping even if the person is ungrateful and shows no signs of appreciation.
Sony Roy
Author
Columnist
Founder BAFU USA
Mr. Roy can be reached for interviews and speaking engagements at 240 786-8637
